I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have tasted many bathrooms
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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