Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
