The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was born a porn star she said
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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