I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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