And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize