We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize