Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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