I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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