he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
