Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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