If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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