I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
