hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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