Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
