hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
