My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
