just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
