I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
