I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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