College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
