Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize