i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
