Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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