I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
