I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
