Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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