Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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