i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize