A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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