Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
