Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
