I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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