put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
