it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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