my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
