I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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