I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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