Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
