He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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