We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
