I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
