is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
