i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
