3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
