Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we made out on top of his cat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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