Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
