I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
