Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
