Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
