Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
