Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
im on a boat
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