he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
