Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
