I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
