He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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