I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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