put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
