Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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