I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
