Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
