just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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