Your face is a jimmy john
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
