dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
