Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
