She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
