i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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