I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
