remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still dying that you shit outside
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
