Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
