She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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