seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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