my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
